We Are Not Invisible. Better Keep An Eye On Us.
by Erica and Karen
Invisible.
We have heard from many, many women that after they retire they feel invisible.
We felt invisible too. No-one seemed to see us—as we walked down the street, or ordered a drink, or asked a question. Since we looked exactly the same as we had the day before, we wondered how we had become so spectral overnight.
After we thought about it for a while we concluded that the invisibility arose from two facts. First, retired people are no longer young, and second, they no longer have jobs. A professional woman who retires is double whammied. No longer young means no longer sexy, and no job means no longer valuable. Add to that the fact that retired career women were few and far between until fairly recently, and you have a bad case of disappearance.
Invisibility for women brought on by age is a consequence of two false assumptions: that a woman’s value is related to her attractiveness, and that in turn is linked to her age. Invisibility associated with employment is linked to the fact that everyone is defined by her or his job. Without a job, no matter your age or sex, you are irrelevant and therefore invisible. A retired person is by definition without a job, so she or he is invisible. (Odd, perhaps, since such people might be expected to be most visible, as they actually know what they are doing and could impart that knowledge to those who don’t. But we digress.)
None of this makes sense in the twenty first century.
This is not a zero sum game. Nor is it a competition. Young women are attractive. But so are women who are older. Young women have value apart from their youthful appearance and fertility, and older women are valuable because they are confident and knowledgeable. Luckily, the societal focus on youth is not hardwired. It was just socially convenient when men had more power and money than women. That day is fast passing. Soon, it will be socially convenient to treat older women as the resources we are.
And, whether we are employed or not, older women are critical economic actors, precisely because we had jobs. Our experience is valuable, and we want to use it to help younger people get ahead. As a cohort, we have amassed wealth. We know we can’t take it with us. We want to spend it, on purpose and fun. And we have plenty of time for that.
Some people think invisibility is somehow appropriate, even a positive, for people our age. They posit that this diminished status can sustain and inform—rather than limit—our lives. That a good book, a piece of homemade pie or a call from a friend should suffice to satisfy us. That sounds a lot like the assumption that since we want to withdraw from the world anyway, we might as well embrace the invisibility that comes from withdrawal.
Why on earth would we do that? We’re at the top of our game. We love being in the world. We are not going to drop out and give up. On the contrary, we are leaders. The future is female, says the author of The Longevity Economy and director of the MIT Age Lab. That female future starts with us.
People who can’t see us better open their eyes.
Amen!
Amen!
Invisibility is a form of social distancing.
Interesting. But for no social benefit!
Great article…we spend our lives wanting to be seen only to disappear as we get older? I only want to disappear or become invisible when it’s time to do the dishes …think of it, that is exactly when I do disappear . The rest of the time, I use my voice, my words, my brain and my personality to share my views and my presence. Am not ready to go away just yet…as Dr. Biden will continue to teach at 69, as President -elect Biden just turned 78, as Janet Yellen and Nancy Pelosi keep going…Not a question of age but of societal perception. I know "older" people – in age – who are more vibrant and alive than their younger counterparts…
Great article…we spend our lives wanting to be seen only to disappear as we get older? I only want to disappear or become invisible when it’s time to do the dishes …think of it, that is exactly when I do disappear . The rest of the time, I use my voice, my words, my brain and my personality to share my views and my presence. Am not ready to go away just yet…as Dr. Biden will continue to teach at 69, as President -elect Biden just turned 78, as Janet Yellen and Nancy Pelosi keep going…Not a question of age but of societal perception. I know "older" people – in age – who are more vibrant and alive than their younger counterparts…
Disappearing when it is dishes time seems a good strategic plan!
Disappearing when it is dishes time seems a good strategic plan!
Good thoughts! It was hard giving up the professional title & acronyms. I kept them in correspondence a few years. I retired in my mid- seventies and introduced myself as a retired board-certified nurse practitioner. I was hard to give up the status. I had been writing since age 30. Poetry came first, then co-authoring books with friends. I completed a Copyediting Certificate and got hooked on writing. Co-authoring books with friends, then I wrote my own book. Happy days working with an editor to make the book the best it can be. I’m not invisible—present in a Writing world and connected to worldwide bloggers through my website: http://cerobinsonauthor.com. I support family, friends and blogger friends there. I’m in my 80s and not invisible to the world. I’m so thankful. 📚🎶 Christine
Good thoughts! It was hard giving up the professional title & acronyms. I kept them in correspondence a few years. I retired in my mid- seventies and introduced myself as a retired board-certified nurse practitioner. I was hard to give up the status. I had been writing since age 30. Poetry came first, then co-authoring books with friends. I completed a Copyediting Certificate and got hooked on writing. Co-authoring books with friends, then I wrote my own book. Happy days working with an editor to make the book the best it can be. I’m not invisible—present in a Writing world and connected to worldwide bloggers through my website: http://cerobinsonauthor.com. I support family, friends and blogger friends there. I’m in my 80s and not invisible to the world. I’m so thankful. 📚🎶 Christine
We must teach our children and grandchildren a job title does not define who we are. It is how we treat ourselves and especially others. There is an unhealthy focus on "self ish care" developing among millennial women. Not what those of us who fought for equality had in mind. Share your gifts wisely until you cannot any longer.
We must teach our children and grandchildren a job title does not define who we are. It is how we treat ourselves and especially others. There is an unhealthy focus on "self ish care" developing among millennial women. Not what those of us who fought for equality had in mind. Share your gifts wisely until you cannot any longer.