It May Take A While To Realize You Are Still You.
By Karen and Erica
We expected our first days of retirement to feel fabulous. We were suddenly free to do whatever we wanted to do, whenever we wanted to do it. No place to be. No phone calls to return. No meetings to attend. No urgency. needs or expectations. No gearing up for a day filled with decisions and revisions and stress and drama.
And the first days were just great. But after a while things felt weird. Instead of freedom, there was a void. Instead of being relaxed, we were restless. To be expected, perhaps, but we had given retirement no thought and were taken by surprise. Disconcerted. Maybe even embarrassed.
When we were working, we barely looked at a clock. Now that we were not working, we found ourselves glancing at the time as we cleaned closets, did some retail therapy, organized papers, exercised more regularly. The days stretched out.
Then there was our identity. We had been independent career women. Now that we weren’t, who were we? What was our purpose? What was next?
It turns out you can’t make the adjustment overnight. You need time to mourn, to think things through, to adjust. The initial period of dislocation passes, though, especially if you can commiserate with others in the same boat. We came to realize how important it was to be able to talk about our fears and frustrations, as well as our hopes and dreams for the future. We now know that it takes some time to move on from attachment to careers and jobs, time during which the future almost subliminally begins to take shape.
And now we know that the future, for us, needs to involve purpose. We will always be working girls in one way or another. We love the independence. We love the sense of accomplishment. We love the energy and effort that having goals requires.
It took time to find a new purpose, something we could be passionate about. But we kept talking, and moving forward, and recalibrating, and we found our way. You will too.
This blog briefly describes the impetus and content of my recently published book, "Discovering Senior Space: A Memoir."
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I retired ‘early’ at age 59. That adds an additional complexity. The majority of my peers are still working. Establishing meaningful relationships with new friends takes time and can leave one feeling lonely after the initial excitement of being newly retired wears off.
Agree! When you have no one to play with it is not fun. I retired at 62, and almost 2 years later still feel restless and often lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I have husband (but he is much older then I am and not very active) and family, I volunteer, do projects at home, clean the house, go to the gym, go to lunch, go to lunch, go to lunch and entertain when I can. I don’t want to go ‘back to work’ but when you worked 10 hours a day it is tough to fill the time. Still feeling my way and I thought I would be more settled by now.
I retired ‘early’ at age 59. That adds an additional complexity. The majority of my peers are still working. Establishing meaningful relationships with new friends takes time and can leave one feeling lonely after the initial excitement of being newly retired wears off.
Agree! When you have no one to play with it is not fun. I retired at 62, and almost 2 years later still feel restless and often lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I have husband (but he is much older then I am and not very active) and family, I volunteer, do projects at home, clean the house, go to the gym, go to lunch, go to lunch, go to lunch and entertain when I can. I don’t want to go ‘back to work’ but when you worked 10 hours a day it is tough to fill the time. Still feeling my way and I thought I would be more settled by now.
COVID immediately precedes my retirement- horrible because there were no celebrations or bucket list travel to finally get to do but everyone was home and we seemed to all have temporarily retired together.
The feelings you shared only came a year later when everyone but me, went back to work.
All the normal post retirement tasks were done during lockdown so it was even harder to find purpose.
I ultimately went back to work- hopefully I will be better prepared when retirement 2 comes:).
COVID immediately precedes my retirement- horrible because there were no celebrations or bucket list travel to finally get to do but everyone was home and we seemed to all have temporarily retired together.
The feelings you shared only came a year later when everyone but me, went back to work.
All the normal post retirement tasks were done during lockdown so it was even harder to find purpose.
I ultimately went back to work- hopefully I will be better prepared when retirement 2 comes:).
I needed this article right now. I have felt everything outlined here. I am still in discovery mode, taking classes, watching online lectures and just trying to figure out what’s next.
I needed this article right now. I have felt everything outlined here. I am still in discovery mode, taking classes, watching online lectures and just trying to figure out what’s next.
This was a timely, well- written article for me that absolutely nailed all of the emotions. I’m 2 months in and am now realizing I was so immersed in my position that while it was demanding and stressful it also brought so much happiness and fulfillment through the many relationships established. I’m facing the reality that if I want the same sense of community, friendships and fun I need to find them on my own. I feel like the new kid who can’t even find her new school!
This was a timely, well- written article for me that absolutely nailed all of the emotions. I’m 2 months in and am now realizing I was so immersed in my position that while it was demanding and stressful it also brought so much happiness and fulfillment through the many relationships established. I’m facing the reality that if I want the same sense of community, friendships and fun I need to find them on my own. I feel like the new kid who can’t even find her new school!
Due to COViD during my retirement, there were no celebratory parties, no fanfare, or send offs. Basically, on Tuesday, 12/22/20, management opened the door for me to leave and said, "See ya!" We bought a puppy that week and so I got up with her for the first few weeks. We napped a lot by day. It was a perfect entry into down time during the first quarter, because so much was closed. When Spring arrived, I started some outside deck projects. Once in a while I felt lonely. That’s when I went outside to do something….anything! I would have the chance to speak to walkers going by the front of neighbors also working outside in the back. Just that little but if interaction quelled my emptiness. Once I could take my pup for walks in the neighborhood I saw a lot of people, even if it was just a wave from someone in a car. It kept me from being invisible and who doesn’t love seeing a puppy or asking about her? I realize a new pet isn’t in the cards for everyone, but it takes a lot of energy and they’re so stinking cute, that endorphins were swimming through my system in a continuous basis. Maybe you could get a fish? When COViD eased up in the summer, I joined a ladies public golf league. I was not good at all, but I met so many people or got reacquainted with some that I knew, but not well. I just needed people in some capacity.
Due to COViD during my retirement, there were no celebratory parties, no fanfare, or send offs. Basically, on Tuesday, 12/22/20, management opened the door for me to leave and said, "See ya!" We bought a puppy that week and so I got up with her for the first few weeks. We napped a lot by day. It was a perfect entry into down time during the first quarter, because so much was closed. When Spring arrived, I started some outside deck projects. Once in a while I felt lonely. That’s when I went outside to do something….anything! I would have the chance to speak to walkers going by the front of neighbors also working outside in the back. Just that little but if interaction quelled my emptiness. Once I could take my pup for walks in the neighborhood I saw a lot of people, even if it was just a wave from someone in a car. It kept me from being invisible and who doesn’t love seeing a puppy or asking about her? I realize a new pet isn’t in the cards for everyone, but it takes a lot of energy and they’re so stinking cute, that endorphins were swimming through my system in a continuous basis. Maybe you could get a fish? When COViD eased up in the summer, I joined a ladies public golf league. I was not good at all, but I met so many people or got reacquainted with some that I knew, but not well. I just needed people in some capacity.
This is a really good article and everything I felt was expressed in the early years of retirement. Now going on 6 years of retirement I have finally made the adjustment I think. Still there are times I miss the excitement of leading a team, making decisions and being part of a larger group that impacts so many. BUT!, now I do love early am walks with my husband, traveling, gardening and being available for long talks with our children and friends. In many ways life is sweeter since I have the time to reflect, think, pause. I look back on my previous life and it was a blur for years with so demands of my time. I feel so fortunate to experience this phase of my life. For newbies hang in there. It is a journey yo get to the sweet spot!
This is a really good article and everything I felt was expressed in the early years of retirement. Now going on 6 years of retirement I have finally made the adjustment I think. Still there are times I miss the excitement of leading a team, making decisions and being part of a larger group that impacts so many. BUT!, now I do love early am walks with my husband, traveling, gardening and being available for long talks with our children and friends. In many ways life is sweeter since I have the time to reflect, think, pause. I look back on my previous life and it was a blur for years with so demands of my time. I feel so fortunate to experience this phase of my life. For newbies hang in there. It is a journey yo get to the sweet spot!
This is a really good article and everything I felt was expressed in the early years of retirement. Now going on 6 years of retirement I have finally made the adjustment I think. Still there are times I miss the excitement of leading a team, making decisions and being part of a larger group that impacts so many. BUT!, now I do love early am walks with my husband, traveling, gardening and being available for long talks with our children and friends. In many ways life is sweeter since I have the time to reflect, think, pause. I look back on my previous life and it was a blur for years with so demands of my time. I feel so fortunate to experience this phase of my life. For newbies hang in there. It is a journey yo get to the sweet spot!