by Karen and Erica

Is this the first day of your retirement? Then you need to know something. (We learned the hard way so you don’t have to.) You need to plan what to say when someone asks you what you do. Which they will.

Under no circumstances say: “I have just retired after a long and illustrious career as a [your career here],” and then smile invitingly. People will turn away, pity and boredom in their eyes. That will make you feel bad, as if you had contracted a disease that will soon lead to a dire end, instead of completing a job well done and earning the right to do whatever you like.

Instead, here is what you must say:

“I have just finished a decades-long career as a [your career here]. I worked very hard and now I am resting, and thinking. When I am finished with that I will have a new job.”

Or, possibly, you may say:

“I have just finished a decades-long career as a [your career here]. I worked very hard and now I am resting, and thinking. I am trying to decide whether, when I am finished with that, I will take a trip around the world on a tramp steamer/get a degree in astrophysics/ learn to make elegant gold jewelry/ [your dream here.]”

You may wish to follow up with:

“Yes, it is very exciting. So sorry you have so many years to be doing the same old stuff, before you get here.”

Can you say this sort of thing even if your plan is far from fully baked? Sure. You spent years faking it til you made it.

As long as you convey the thought that you will be occupied, will not be relying on anyone in the room for company or anything else, and that you are having a good time, people will will not immediately disown you as old and irrelevant. They will keep talking to you, and may even be interested in your next steps.

Is it reasonable for people to assume, even if you just retired a week ago, that you have immediately become a bore, and possibly a leech, and definitely old, so they should run away from you as fast as they can? No, it is not. But until we all create a new image of retirement—and age—they will. You can start changing the image by giving them a new picture of what post-career life will look like. Until that new thought takes hold, just make sure if the “R” word comes up, you link it with something fun. Or purposeful.

Make them wish they were in your shoes.