By Karen and Erica

Retirement happens in one day. You start that day as a member of the working world, and you end it as a former member of the working world.

We were pretty unnerved. But now we are excited to be where we are. Here are the steps we had to go through to come out on the other side. We did not enjoy all of them. But we think none of them can be skipped. You have lost a hugely important part of your life. And you need to work through that loss.

1. The first step happens before you retire. You see retirement in the future and you form a view about it. There are really two perspectives, Some lucky ones among us thrill at the prospect. They have been excited about retiring since the day they started work. They have created a deeply fulfilling plan. They can’t wait. But most of us have a different perspective. We are horrified. We don’t plan because we don’t want to think about it. We pity those who have retired. We go to their parties and say how lucky they are when all we can think is how awful it is. We can’t bear the idea that we will one day be in the same boat.

2. Then the day comes, and you have to get through it. And you do. People congratulate you, and toast you, and then it is done. You don’t feel a bit lucky but you do feel as if you have weathered the storm.

3. The next phase is fun—more fun, of course, without a pandemic. You can sleep in, and stay up late doing something other than work. You can go out to lunch. You can make dinner and theater dates, and keep them. You can sit around on Sunday and read the paper. You can go shopping whenever you want. The world is yours, and you have all the time you want to explore it.

4. After a few months of this, though, you realize you feel some sadness. Surprisingly, you miss work. Not every bit of it, but the parts you loved. You miss your colleagues, and it is a struggle to keep up with them. They are working. You also miss the structure of a job. You always wanted free time but this is a little too much free time.

5. And some uncomfortable moments happen. Someone asks what you do, and you have to say: I was a successful lawyer and now I am not. That does not feel right. What is your identity, now? You were once a player. Can you be a player again? You’re not sure.

6. Your family is not sure either. They don’t want to be responsible for entertaining you, and they are worried you will seize upon them for companionship every waking moment of the day. Your friends are worried too. They know you are a hard charger, but they cannot see how that works after you retire. You make them nervous and they make you nervous.

7. You’re smart, so you sit down and figure it out. You will get a new job. Something different, not quite so time consuming, maybe something in the non-profit world, where your skills and talents would be useful. You start looking around. And you discover that no-one wants to give you a job. In fact, no-one seems able to discern what you have to offer. And they sure can’t figure out how to slot you into their organization.

8. Now, you get depressed. Are you really useless? Did you get useless overnight? Are you never again going to be able to say, when asked, I am a successful [something exciting]?

9. This is a dangerous time, and you need to be careful. If you panic, you might agree to do almost anything. Your family wants chores done, and you feel you have to say yes. Your excellent non-profit wants you to do something that bores you to tears, and you feel you have to say yes. You are offered a job that could be done by someone with a tenth of your experience, and you feel you have to say yes. Do not say yes! Say no! Do nothing until you find something fulfilling.

10. Start to envision a future. Think hard about what you liked about your work or your hobbies, or what you have always wanted to do but never had the time. Do you love sports? Maybe you want to coach a little league team. Are you technology minded? Maybe you want to learn more about how AI works. Have you got a great idea for a small business? Start one. Is there a book in you? Outline it. Talk to people. Tell them what your idea is, and ask for their reaction. Everyone, we promise, will have something to offer, including contacts. And they will be glad to help. People will be much happier meeting you for lunch if they see you are formulating a plan.

11. Take one concrete step at a time. Get business cards. Get an office. Find a partner. Take courses if you need to. Try to see what your future might really look like. Start to move toward it. Worried you might fail? So what? You know by now that you can survive failure. And you also know you have something only someone who has retired can possibly have—experience and wisdom. That’s your springboard to the future.

12. Soon, you will have a plan. Once you do, you are on your way. You will see that your retirement is the beginning of something brilliant. You will stand tall when you tell people what you are doing now. And you will have more fun than you can imagine.