by Karen and Erica

A few weeks ago we were privileged to attend an event to learn about Northwell Health’s support of veterans. We were moved by the presentations, from men of different ages and different pre-military backgrounds who had reached different levels of seniority before they left the service. We thought about them and their service on Memorial Day.

We were particularly struck by the language used by virtually every one of them when describing how they felt after being separated from the military. Unmoored. Adrift. Sad. Loss of community. Loss of structure. Loss of purpose. Invisible. Alone.

These are exactly the same words we hear from all of you. The same words we use to describe our own reactions to retirement. But we were surprised to hear them from young men who had been in service for a much shorter time than we had practiced law. Less surprised, perhaps, to hear them from a renowned general.

But of course it makes total sense. A military career is enveloping in a way that even an intense civilian career is not, as it touches every aspect of life in a comprehensive way. Leaving such a career must be quite a shock. Having to navigate a world with no guideposts is also a shock.

We would like to think that our experiences of separation might be of interest to veterans feeling the same things. We are likely in entirely different stages of life, and we have no concrete job offers, or specific strategies, for veterans. And we are not suggesting that our careers compare to being in service, especially to the experience of those who were in combat or suffer from PTSD, which is another level of pain, and different for women and men.

But we have thought extensively about how to deal with loss and identity and invisibility as a consequence of leaving one’s career. Maybe some of what we have learned would resonate.

Each of us is living a unique life with unique challenges. Sometimes we feel as if we are in separate pods, defined by this or that. But there are commonalities among us humans. Let’s share solutions when we find them.