by Karen and Erica

This fall promises to be momentous on any number of fronts. Is one of those fronts your retirement at the end of the year? Then it is not too soon for you to learn how to speak retirement—a language we all have to learn eventually.

What is this new language? It is a way of speaking that conveys to your audience that you are thrilled to be retiring because it will open up new worlds for pleasure and gratification, and for accomplishment and purpose.

So how does that translate into words?

First, someone will ask:

What do you do?

Rule 1: On no account say:

I have just retired after a long and successful career!

And then smile invitingly, expecting to be congratulated. You won’t be. Whoever asked the question will turn away, pity and boredom in her eyes, and find someone else to talk to. That will make you feel bad. And confused.

Is it reasonable for people to assume, even if you just retired a week ago, that you have immediately become a bore, and possibly a leech, and definitely old, so they should run away from you as fast as they can? No, it is not. But until we all create a new image of retirement—and age—they will.

So you need to have a plan. Here it is.

Rule 2: When someone asks what you do—and they will—here is the tenor of what what you must say:

I have just finished an illustrious decades-long career. I worked very hard and now I am resting, and thinking. Do I want to take a trip around the world on a tramp steamer/get a degree in astrophysics/ learn to make elegant gold jewelry, before I run for office/found a company/ write a novel? I’ll figure it out after I relax for a while, reading the latest novels and learning all about organic wine.

Yes, make them envious. Maybe add something along the lines of:

I am having the time of my life, thinking about what is next. Too bad you’ve got many years to go. But I’m sure you love working, so no need to rush. The good life will wait for you.

Rule 3: What if you haven’t a clue what to do tomorrow, let alone for the next few years? Doesn't change the strategy. You know how to fake it til you make it. Why should you? Because if you seem excited and occupied, and you have no intention of relying on anyone in the room for company or anything else, people will keep talking to you. In fact, they will probably try to figure out how they can help you. That’s what you want!

A bonus: Speaking positively about retirement will accelerate the realization of your vision of post-career life. It will make you more confident, happier, and more motivated. Sooner than you can imagine, you really will be living the dream.