Maybe Being A Woman Is Not As Bad As They Say.

By Karen and Erica

We were struck by a recent op-ed entitled: The Internet Makes Motherhood Seem Miserable. What If It Isn’t?

As far as motherhood is concerned, we already know it is the most rewarding experience we ever had. It has its moments of fear and isolation and stress. But our children are the lights of our lives, and we love being mothers. Hope every mother was celebrated, if remotely, on Mothers’s Day!

So that is not why this headline interested us. We were interested because it highlights a dual message to women that we have heard for a long time. And that dual message is that a woman’s life centers around reproduction, and each stage is likely to be a downer in its own particular way.

Our own experience is to the contrary. Yes, we understood at a young age that a key part of our lives was supposed to be reproduction. And yes, the onset of menstruation, at the beginning of our reproductive lives, was a pain, and sometimes painful, but for us, and many of our friends, it was not that big a deal—especially as we were all in it together. (What was disabling was the sense that we should be ashamed of it.)

Pregnancy and childbirth were next. These stages were glorified rather than stigmatized, though sometimes that seemed another form of oppression. Having children is life changing, and our children remain a central and joyous focus of our lives. But still, being a mother was never our sole focus. Our lives had other aspects.

We did not enjoy some of the manifestations of menopause, at the other end of our reproductive lives, but they too were far from overwhelming. Of course, menopause draws the ultimate negative stereotype—it is the end of your relevance. Because you can no longer procreate, you become a sexless shell of your former self. You are expected to pretty much shrivel up and die—of shame, if nothing else. What nonsense. Women do have the babies, and we are glad of that, but we are not just baby machines. And we are not now baby machines that are past their sell-by dates. Living beyond fertility leaves us liberated in many ways.

So this recent article made us wonder. Where do these negative messages come from? Messages warning us that the only important role we play is reproduction? That the things that happen to women’s bodies are miserable, so you have to grit your teeth and get through them, but certainly you should not expect to enjoy yourself? Really? Not even with your children?

Well, too bad. We don’t feel that way. Rather the opposite. We have reveled in being women, at every stage—and in being mothers as well as doing all kinds of things having nothing to do with procreation. Remember Our Bodies, Ourselves? That was the beginning of the change In our thinking. Back then, we had no idea how our lives would play out. Now, we know.

Being a woman is pretty great, and quite multidimensional, including the amazing voyage of motherhood.