You Need A Friend.

By Karen and Erica

Right after you make a big life change, like retiring, you need a friend. A friend who will live Carole King’s song: Winter, spring, summer or fall, All you have to do is call, And I'll be there. You've got a friend.

But it may be difficult to make that happen.

While you worked, you spent years with teams, clients, customers, colleagues. Your days were filled with people, many working with you for common goals. You were seldom alone. In fact, you really didn’t have to hone your friend-making skills because so many friends were ready-made for you.

Now, you are untethered from your familiar structures. Your former colleagues are too busy to hang out with you. So are your working friends. And some of them are a little unnerved. How should they deal with an actual retired person, someone who used to be hard-charging and now is only interested in smelling the roses?

You are a little worried too. Who are you if you are no longer employed? Why does everyone think you should only want to smell the roses? What do you have to offer as a friend? You’re not sure. You’ve never tried to find and make friends in this unknown space.

So what do you do?

We were lucky. We retired at about the same time. So we were companions during the first few months of rest and fun. But it got weird after a while. We couldn’t imagine that we had morphed into ladies who did nothing but lunch, and who would do nothing else for several decades. But there was no place we had to be. No phone calls we had to to return. No meetings we had to to attend. So who were we, now?

That’s when our friendship became really important. We needed someone to talk to about navigating that vast unknown—the post-career world.

If you aren’t lucky enough to have a friend retiring at about the same time, don’t worry. You’ll figure it out. Approach the problem as you did other problems in your long working life. Who do you know who would have time for a coffee or lunch—maybe someone who worked in the home and is now an empty nester. Would she—or he—be an empathetic friend? If so, reach out with a proposed time to have a coffee or drink. Don’t wait for them to figure it out—you propose the plan.

Another suggestion—seems small but it really helps. Get some business cards with your information on them. They will give you confidence, and your contact will appreciate knowing how to reach you.

Can’t think of anyone who fits the bill? Identify some activity you would enjoy where you might meet like-minded people. Learn to cook paella, or to build fast cars, or to fly. Teach a child to swim or an adult to read. Join a religious community. Become a museum docent. You are sure to meet people who have similar interests.

Once you do start your next act, you will surely meet lots of people, and some of them will become friends. The hard part is right after you retire and you are not sure what is happening. That’s when finding a friend is essential, and arduous.

Whatever you do, don’t isolate yourself. This is a time to expand your horizons. Find someone to help you do that. It might be hard but you’ll be glad you made the effort.