Don't Panic. Retirement Is A Process And You Just Started.

 By Karen and Erica

Did you retire at the end of the year? Did you enjoy the first few weeks of delicious rest and relaxation?

But then--did you start feeling weird about having nothing you had to do? Panicked about a feeling that comes after lunch, during a long afternoon, when you find yourself with absolutely no commitments, nothing to do, nothing planned, no obligations? When everyone seems to be busy--except you? When you wonder--what will you do for the five hours until dinner, especially since it is pandemic winter and your choices are pretty narrow? How can you make the afternoon go faster? And how could someone like you be feeling this way?

Well, join the club. We have all been there, those of us who are new retirees from demanding jobs, those of us who worked for decades in challenging professions and had little time to think about life outside. We have all experienced the feelings you feel now—though making this transition while COVID hovers over everything is especially unnerving.

Don't worry--you will find your footing soon, and the rest of your life will start to take shape. But you have to work on the early days. 

Mornings are easy. Working out, making breakfast, digesting the news, paying the bills, returning calls, running errands. Plenty to do. But the afternoons--that’s when panic sets in.

At first, we wondered whether it was just us. We quickly discovered that it was not. Every new retiree feels it. But we realized panic could overwhelm us unless we figured it out what to do about it. So we mapped out the days and created strategies to deal with the void.

When we were full time working women, we reflexively chose the earliest time in the day to do personal things. After we retired, we no longer had to get all of those things done before 8 am. So we scheduled doctor's appointments, food shopping, hair color--lots of things--for after lunch.

Then, we did the same with the new fun stuff we suddenly had time to do. 

First, lunch. We had time for leisurely lunches in new places. We took turns inviting new people to join us. We thought together about people we each knew or could get an introduction to, and invited them to join us. New people led to new ideas, and one thing always led to another. Our calendars got pretty full pretty quickly.

You can’t do that so easily now, especially if you live in the North, unless you and your friends have invested in snowsuits. But a midday coffee, or walk, when the sun is shining, still works. We don’t really like book clubs, but if you do, gather a virtual group. Take advantage of all of the Zoomish technology that allows you to see other people in a different way.

What is important is to keep up with, and hopefully expand, your contacts.

Then, fun. We live in New York City--we decided to make the most of it. We went to openings at the Met and the Whitney. We took boat tours around Manhattan. We went to lectures at Rizzoli on Broadway. We explored art galleries on the lower east side. We walked everywhere and found interesting buildings, restaurants, and shops. We met for a late afternoon coffee or a glass of wine at the One Hotel in Brooklyn or the Grand Salon at the Baccarat Hotel in midtown. We even went to the Statue of Liberty!

Once again, COVID constrains your scope right now. But many museums are open, and being in them without crowds is actually wonderful. In New York, the Statue of Liberty is open, as is the High Line. You can walk its length without jostling crowds of tourists. Make a reservation and go with a friend. Wherever you are, take a gorgeous twilight walk. You could never have done that while you worked 24/7.

Finally, work. It took us quite a while to figure out we needed to do something purposeful, and even longer to figure out what that might be. We realized we needed someplace outside of our homes to think, to write, to edit, to laugh and to talk things through, so we got an office. That was a key part of dealing with incipient panic.

Sadly, COVID has forced us to give up the office for now, and might prevent you from even thinking about one. But we will be back, and you might too. Until then, if you feel restless, and if you can, replicate the idea—a little—by creating a place your home where you work regularly, at something. Before you settle in take a walk outside and pretend you are not just changing where you are at the dining table.

Once we recalibrated, we began to cherish the joy of down time and being alone—though lockdown is taking it a bit too far. We remembered how much we had wanted at least a little time to ourselves when we were working, and we loved having it after we retired. But it took a while. We needed to think outside the boxes that defined us for so long, and come up with new ones, in different shapes. That’s not easy, and it doesn't happen overnight. But it will happen.

So don't panic. Start thinking about what you want to do next, and who might help you do it. You will be surprised to see where you are this time next year.