How Did We Do It? How Will You?

By Erica and Karen

Now that we are retired, younger women still in the workforce tell us that they are dealing with many of the same challenges we did. Taking the time to share our stories and lessons learned with those who are following in our footsteps is an important part of keeping the momentum going. So here’s our story.

The women’s movement started when we were in college, and by the time we got to law school, in the 70’s, women accounted for about half of the students in our law school. Once we had been in the workforce a couple of years, though, we were once again in almost exclusively male territory. Colleagues, clients, board members judges, adversaries—virtually all men.

Ridiculously, at first, we really did not give the absence of women a second thought. We expected it, and we understood we needed to find our way in this man’s world—the world we had chosen. So how did we start? We closely observed what the men did to become successful.

Our first strategy was to look as much like men as we could, so maybe we could move ahead unnoticed. Navy and gray suits. Boring shoes. White button-down shirts that did not accommodate our womanly chests. Ties, even.

This stage was short lived. We really could not go on like that. But in some ways we did emulate those men.

We observed that men did their work heads up, not down. For them, every assignment was an opportunity not only to learn but also for advancement. They paid attention to how they fit into the hierarchy—what was the client’s objective, how did whatever they were doing fit within the bigger picture, how would it be used, who at higher levels was interested in the project, what were next steps.

We did the same.

Men took risks. Even if not asked for their views, they spoke up when they thought they had something to add (which was always!) (We actually weren’t so sure about that tactic.) They weren’t afraid of being wrong. They volunteered for assignments that may have been beyond their current status or knowledge. They asked for more—more opportunities, more money, more promotions. They knew instinctively that success would never come just because they worked hard. They had go after it.

We did the same. At least, we tried to.

Men exuded confidence which gave others confidence in them. They entered any room as if they belonged. . They avoided wishy-washy language and spoke with authority and in full sentences, often with more certainty than might be warranted.

We did the same

But we didn't stop there. We knew we also had uniquely female attributes. We began to realize that, while we had a lot to learn from men, we actually would not get anywhere trying to be little men. We talked with our few women colleagues, and we decided we could turn our sex—which was thought to be a huge disadvantage—into an empowering advantage. 

Women are networkers. We build relationships and emotional connections wherever we are. So we instinctively spent time on the phone, getting to know one another before getting to the matters at hand. Most men, we found, like to chat about their lives just as much as women do. Small conversations gave us big supporters.

Women know how to read a room. We could tell who was with us, who was not. We could tell by watching who the decision makers were. We could tell who was with us, who was not, by watching their reactions. And because women are good team players, we shared our observations with our colleagues.

We came up with information and ideas that made others look good. We knew the importance of building consensus. We acknowledged all the valuable members of our teams—the people in the mail room, our assistants, our associates. And we sought out the smartest people for our teams. They didn’t threaten us—they made our work better.

We showed we cared about colleagues and clients, their organizations and their issues. We celebrated births and acknowledged passings. We delivered hard messages when they were necessary and happy messages whenever we could. We thought of reasons to celebrate, or commiserate. We laughed a lot, mostly at ourselves.

We had wonderful careers, and by the time we retired there were women everywhere.

How did—or do—you navigate a man’s world?