Retiring? Learn To Speak Post-Career.

by Karen and Erica

Did you just retire? Or are you about to? Then you must learn something, right away. (We learned the hard way so you don’t have to.)

You must learn what to say when you meet someone new and she asks: What do you do?

Under no circumstances say: “I have just retired after a long and illustrious career as a lawyer or a teacher or a doctor or a banker,” and then smile invitingly, expecting to be congratulated for having had a successful career and for earning the right to do whatever you like from now on.

That will not happen. What will happen is that whoever asked the question will look at you as if you had contracted a dire disease that will soon lead to a dire end. She will turn away, pity and boredom in her eyes. That will make you feel bad. And confused.

Instead, here is what you must say:

“I have just finished an illustrious decades-long career. I worked very hard and now I am resting, and thinking. When I am finished with that I will have a plan for my next act.”

Or, you may say:

“I have just finished an illustrious decades-long career. I worked very hard and now I am resting, and thinking. I am trying to decide whether, when I am finished with that, I will take a trip around the world on a tramp steamer/get a degree in astrophysics/ learn to make elegant gold jewelry, before I run for office/found a company/ write a novel.”

You may wish to follow up with:

“Yes, it is very exciting. So sorry you have so many years ahead of you, doing the same old stuff, before you get to be where I am now.”

Can you say this sort of thing even if your plan is far from fully baked? Sure. You learned long ago how to fake it til you made it.

As long as you convey the impression that you will be occupied, that you will not be relying on anyone in the room for company or anything else, and that you are having a good time as you move forward, people will will not immediately discard you as old and irrelevant. They will keep talking to you, and may even be interested in your next steps. In fact, they will probably try to figure out how they can help you.

Is it reasonable for people to assume, even if you just retired a week ago, that you have immediately become a bore, and possibly a leech, and definitely old, so they should run away from you as fast as they can? No, it is not. But until we all create a new image of retirement—and age—they will.

You can start changing the image by giving them a new picture of what post-career life looks like. Until that new thought takes hold, just make sure if the “R” word comes up, you link it with something fun. Or purposeful. Or both.

Make them wish they were in your shoes.